


Snippets of Life

by Kristen_APA



Category: Downton Abbey
Genre: Canon Era, Drabble Collection, F/M, Fluff, Introspection, Some angst, Vignettes, mixed bag on themes, some contain references to miscarriage, some drabbles contain references to PTSD from sexual assault
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-05
Updated: 2019-03-04
Packaged: 2019-08-19 04:39:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 21,209
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16527539
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kristen_APA/pseuds/Kristen_APA
Summary: A set of 100 drabbles/ficlets about Anna and John, set anywhere from Series 1-6 and beyond into their future.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> **A/N:** I found a list of drabble prompts on Tumblr, and I've been working on these since January 2015. A few are old WIPs that I've worked into a drabble instead (the final one in this chapter being the most obvious). Mostly fluff, a lot of introspection, a handful of angst. 
> 
> I wrote this first chapter without any S6 spoilers in mind and it was originally posted it on Fanfiction net in September 2015 right before S6 aired. 
> 
> The drabbles are arranged in order in each chapter by DA timeline (and beyond, with some encompassing the whole) [the caveat being that this chapter bypasses S6 as it hadn't aired yet and thus goes AU] but were not written in that order, so I apologize for the disjointedness, and any flow between the drabbles is actually accidental.
> 
> There are a two are that set in between S4E5 and S4E6, so a slight trigger warning for "Seeking Solace" and "Broken Pieces".
> 
>  **Disclaimer:** I don't own _Downton Abbey._

**Introduction**

John knocked on the door, but there was no answer. He was a day early, so of course no one was waiting for him. He could wait outside but then he might have to wait awhile for someone to come out and find him. What if he was out there for hours? That would defeat the purpose of him being there early.

Miss O’Brien opened the baize door for them. Anna followed the lady’s maid down the stairs, gossiping about the lost heirs. How dreadful for both of them to perish in the icy water. And how bad it must feel for the family. And who would inherit now?

At the base of the stairs, there he was.

"Hello. I've been waiting at the back door. I knocked, but no one came."

"So you pushed in?" That was Miss O’Brien for you, ever the charmer.

He took it in stride. "I'm John Bates, the new valet."

"The new valet?"

This seemed to be the countess’ lady’s maid, but apparently she didn’t want too spare any pleasantries. "That's right,” he responded in spite of her.

"You're early." Miss O'Brien was sizing him up, noting that he had a cane. Anna however saw a tall man with kind eyes.

He explained himself. "Came on the milk train, thought I'd use the day to get to know the place, start tonight."

"I'm Anna, the head housemaid." Miss O’Brien did not make the best of first impressions, and Anna thought it extremely unfair to this Mr Bates. She shifted the sheets and candle she was carrying and off him her hand.

Her handshake was firm. "How do you do?"

Little did they know where that handshake would lead.

 

**Love**

It had been the furthest thing from her mind when she met him. She welcomed him as she would any new staff member, not knowing that her subconscious had already latched onto him.

When she brought him the tray she knew that he was a friend – a friend she was said to see go, and a friend she was delighted to see stay.

She gossiped with Gwen about Lady Mary, about the earl’s daughter and the Honorable Evelyn Napier. Fleetingly, she wondered what it would be like to be courted. She’d always been happy with her lot, thinking that what happens will happen. But in those fleeting moments, she realized by _whom_ by she wanted to be courted by. She tried not to blush in the candlelight. Gwen didn’t need to know.

Looking back now, she’s not sure when it turned into love. At least by the time that he brought her a tray, reciprocating her earlier gesture. She remembers how hard her heart pounded in her chest, and the admiration in his eyes. She can’t remember if that’s when she knew for sure, or if she felt then but neither could form the words to admit it. It would talk that walk to the flower show for that.

 

**Silence**

The candles were burning low now. He watched her, his wife, sleeping peacefully in the silence, a smile on her face. He wished that he could fall off as easily as her, but he still could not believe that they were really married. If he were to sleep, would he wake up from this dream?

He gently moved a section of hair from her face, tucking it behind her ear, careful not to rouse her. He couldn’t resist the temptation to stroke her cheek with the back of hand, his knuckles ghosting her skin. He wished that they could live forever in this bubble, where nothing could stand in their way, and nothing could harm her.

He pushed down those thoughts of fleeting despair. They would just have to do their best, together, as husband and wife.

 

**Seeking Solace**

He was unsure if she wanted to share the same bed that first night. He made sure to leave the bedroom when she changed for the night, busying himself with gathering linen from the closet to put on the sofa.

She emerged from their room in her winter nightgown, the collar buttoned up at the top, long sleeves down to her wrists.

“What are you doing with those?” she asked, her voice quiet.

“I thought—” He stopped himself. What he thought was that he was doing the right the thing by her. But he hadn’t asked her what _she_ wanted.

There was an awkward pause. He didn’t know where to look, afraid she’d avert her gaze like she had most of this past month. His eyes fell to her hands, watching her fingers twists her wedding band.

“Where would you like to sleep?” he finally said, trying to maintain a normal tone, attempting to deliver the question as if it was a mundane comment on the weather.

She started to say something, but stopped. His heart panged, hating what all this had done to her.

“It’s up to you. Whatever you are comfortable with.”

Her eyes finally met his. “I want you to sleep in bed. Next to me. I don’t –” she breathed in sharply. “I don’t think I can take another night of waking up alone.”

He nodded, shutting the linen closet door. He longed to touch her but was unsure.

“It’s all right. In fact,” her voice growing more shy than anxious now, “I’d like it if you held me when we sleep. If you want.”

He reached out to gently take her hand. She grasped his in return.

“Of course, my darling, I want to very much. As long as you do.”

She gave a half smile, but then it faltered. “Sometimes though… I wake up suddenly… and I have nightmares… and…”

“Just tell me what to do, what you need me to do, and I’ll do it.”

Her eyes were brimming with tears, “Thank you. I know… I know I’ll be safe with you by my side.”

 

**Broken Pieces**

She had been back a week. They had gently tried to return to some semblance of their old routine, but even that sometimes proved too difficult. She was so frustrated, mostly with herself, wishing that it would just all go away, but she knew that it wouldn’t. But what was even tougher was that she could tell he was being overly cautious, and that in and of itself was a reminder of all that had happened.

Something startled her; she couldn’t even remember what. The teacup and saucer she was holding hit the ground, pieces of china splintering everywhere. The dam that was holding the tears at bay broke too.

“It’s all right, Anna, it’s all right,” he whispered. He carefully removed what she had already collected from her hands, setting them aside, and slowly encircled her as she buried her head into his chest.

The cup was irreparable, but she was not. They were not. There might have been a seam, a scar, but in time it would bind the pieces back together, in a new variation of wholeness.

  

**67%**

“And then multiply by one hundred…”

“Oh! 67%! Thank you, Mr Bates!” Daisy said enthusiastically. She then scampered off with her book to go finish her maths problems, leaving the couple alone in the servants’ hall.

“Sometimes I do envy her,” Anna said, running her needle through the fabric of the hem of Lady Mary’s dress.

“In what way?” her husband asked.

“Well, I barely had any schooling. It’s a miracle I can even read.”

John furrowed his brow. “But you can, and you kept at it even out of school, and now it’s one of your favorite pastimes.” He smiled now in an attempt to soothe her, but she still looked worried. He sensed more that it just being about Daisy’s further studies. “What’s brought this on?”

“It just… once we do have the hotel, do I even have the skills to manage it?” She put down her mending and turned in her chair to face him more. “Even as an adult, I took the path of a lady’s maid and I don’t really have the training for keeping the books like a housekeeper has.”

He opened his mouth to speak, but she continued, her voice more quiet now, “And… if we do have a little one, when they go school, will I even been able to help with their sums?”

“Anna, darling.” John hated when she put herself down, which was much more of an occurrence now than in the years when they first met. “You are one of the most intelligent women I have ever met. I know that you have the skills to be a wonderful innkeeper and mother. And whatever you don’t know now, you will learn quickly, as you always have. I believe in you and know that you are always able to do what you put your mind to.” He placed his hand over hers on the table and smiled at her.

It took her a bit, but a smile crept across her face, her eyes meeting his again. “Thank you.”

 

**Memory**

They hurried up the steps of Grantham House to the street alongside some of the other senior staff members. Anna wasn’t sure why Miss Denker was going; the Dowager’s new lady’s maid barely knew Lady Rose. Whereas she and John had spent some time with the girl outside of work, including discussions about peppermints, reeling lessons, and dance halls. And Anna got to dress her for her presentation and for the ceremonies today, which she felt quite the privilege.

“What would Miss Denker think if she knew we were married in a registrar's office too?” she said lowly to her husband. “I mean, I didn’t wear a veil either.”

John chuckled. “If I recall correctly, you wore a very lovely hat.”

“And luckily, it wasn’t itchy!” She smiled, remembering. “It really was perfect. It would have been wherever it was held. I married you. And that’s what’s important.”

He took his hand in his and gave it a gentle squeeze. “I quite agree. And I am grateful for it everyday.”

 

**Keeping a Secret**

As a lady’s maid, secret keeping was apart of Anna’s job description. And over the years, there were many secrets that she had to keep for Lady Mary. Of course, with her husband in the same line of work, and she knew had at the same level of discretion, many things did get repeated to him. Her employer seemed to be aware of this, so for the things she really didn’t want known, Anna’d be forbidden to tell even him.

She had her own share of secrets, or at least things that she felt private. Most of them to been to conceal pain, or to avoid inflicting pain on him…

But there had been good secrets too. Such as “The Secret Mrs Bates” as Lady Mary had referred to Anna once, in those three days of no one knowing her and John had wed.

And like that secret, this was one that she couldn’t wait to tell either. They had agreed to wait, until Dr Clarkson had given her the all clear at her next appointment, but it was proving hard. John had to clear his throat every time he caught her with her hand on her abdomen at work. She’d probably have it permanently glued there otherwise. This elation was something she had not felt in some time, but now she was so happy she could burst. They’d make the announcement in a few weeks, and then everyone would know what the Bateses were beaming about.

 

**Cat**

They found the cat in the shed across from the cottage. A little black and white thing, and Anna couldn’t stand to let it stay outside in the rain. John relented, what harm could it do. It was really adorable, with her quiet little meows and big eyes, and it made him wistful to see Anna doting on the tiny creature.

 But soon they learned that some of the perils of cat ownership. Their black work clothes were soon covered in the white fur, and were having to brush each other off every morning and whenever they popped home to check on her. There was also the awkwardness of her jumping on the bed where they were in the midst of more… heated moments.

But the cat also provided great source comfort for Anna, which John was glad for. Even though it had been a few years now, there still were times where she’d grow quiet, or worst yet had nightmares, and their little Kitty was always there beside her, Anna finding petting the cat soothing.

Finally their greatest wish came true, and as the time drew nearer their little one’s arrival, John had been worried about how lonely Anna would be since she left service. But he remembered that his wife would have her ever companion.

Who, he thought with a grin and a shake of his head, probably would become obsessed with Anna’s yarn for the all the booties she was knitting.

 

**Smile**

It was a fairly brisk day, but the sun was shining, and there was no rain to delay their plans. John watched as Anna pointed to things out the window, their daughter enamored at the moving objects as the bus drove forth to York.

Today was Margaret Elizabeth Bates’ first birthday, and they had decided to take her to the zoo to celebrate. They knew that she wouldn’t remember this birthday, but they felt like doing something special, especially since they had marked new chapters in their lives. John’s plan from long ago had thus far worked out well, with them managing the Grantham Arms and still being able to spent as much time as possible with their daughter. They did sometimes miss working at Downton Abbey, but Mr Carson did not mind them dropping by, as he deemed Margaret a very well behaved baby, and he not so secretly did adore children. His soon to be bride Mrs Hughes would pop in to the Grantham Arms when she was running errands in the village and on her most recent visit insisted that they stop by later today and that Daisy was to bake a cake in Margaret’s honor to mark the occasion. Anna had very few living relatives left, and John’s cousins were scattered in Scotland and Ireland, so she was moved that she still had her downstairs family.

She also still had Lady Mary, with whom she quite frequently went to tea with in Ripon. It felt almost scandalous to be out with an earl’s daughter like they were equals, but Mary called it nonsense, and they passed the time chatting about their children, now that they were both mothers and Mary kept Anna informed of her current “desire” of suitors, which was as of the moment leaning in Mr Talbot’s favor, (although Anna thought Mr Napier was also very worthy).

John, however, didn’t get to see as much of his lordship, unless they were attending a community event. In most cases, it was short exchanges at church. Their former colleagues had to scamper off quickly after services, but the family could linger. Thus, Robert often would fill in his former valet on the goings on, much to the Dowager’s chagrin.

The bus pulled into York, and Margaret turned to face her father as the wheels came to a stop. She had inherited his dark hair, but she has Anna’s piercing blue eyes, which looked up at him full of glee.

“We are almost there, dear,” he said, giving her a tickle, to which she giggled.

Anna smiled broadly at them, delighted. She always had known he’d dote on a daughter, but it was almost too surreal to believe that this was finally their life, after so much heartbreak and strife. Margaret was a blessing, and being able to move forward and expend their family to three was the best revenge against all that had stood in their way. Even though they could not undo the past, they were happy, and that was ultimately what they needed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **A/N:** Thank you for reading! Next chapter will be up soon!


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **A/N** : Continuing with my list of prompts, these some are drabbles/ficlets I wrote to fill in some of the gaps in S6E1-S6E8, outlined before S6CS aired. They are arranged in order here by DA timeline, but were not written in that order, so I apologize for the disjointedness. There’s some angst in here at the beginning, but then it gets into my more classic cheesy fluff. I originally posted this on Fanfiction net on Valentine's Day 2016.
> 
> **Warnings** : References to miscarriage and depression, and very fleeting references to sexual assault.
> 
> **Disclaimer** : I don't own _Downton Abbey._

**Sorrow**

She was in the servants’ hall when she realized what was happening; a trip to the lavatory confirmed it.

It was at least the second time, if not the third. She hadn’t been certain about what she thought was maybe the first. But there was no denying it now. For years she had thought that nothing was wrong, but obviously something was.

And it was her fault.

She was glad that she hadn’t gotten his hopes up. But she almost had her own. Really, she felt like she should have not even had any hope herself. But there was a tiny sliver that what had happened earlier wasn’t what she thought it was. And now she couldn’t even call it what it was in her own mind.

She told John that night only because she blurted it out. “And now I’m not.” He understood without her spelling it out.

No matter the comfort she felt in his arms, it hurt knowing how badly she had destroyed their dreams.

 

**I Can’t**

He tucked her into bed with a hot water bottle clutched against her middle. Perhaps he could persuade her to see Dr Clarkson, but he was just relieved that she had him told this time. She sighed heavily, blinking back tears as she closed her eyes in an attempt to sleep. He pressed a kiss into her temple and stroked her hair. “You try to get some rest, darling.”

The book in his hands went unread, his mind running too fast for it to provide him any distraction. He set it on the nightstand and turned off the lamp.

It was a lot to take in. She was certain that their dreams of having a family were over. He admitted to himself that that stung a bit, but he knew that he could deal with it in time. But never seeing her as the mother that she deserved to be…

What hurt the most was knowing how devastated she was. The words “I can’t” echoed in his mind. Wrapping his head around that this might be the third time that this had happened was almost too overwhelming. That she had faced these losses and grief alone made his heart ache in ways he had hoped to never feel again. Why did she have to suffer this as well, on top of everything else?

As worse of all, she was afraid that she let him down, once again more worried about him than her. She already blamed herself for some of the incomprehensible horrible things that had happened to her.

He gazed at her outline in the dark, feeling helpless.

 

**Last Hope**

Lady Mary meant well, she truly did. But Anna just didn’t see how this was going to work. It was obvious her body was just not meant to carry a child. She was forcing herself to accept that.

The two were quiet on the train, and quiet in the car trip to Harley Street, all of Lady Mary’s few comments noncommittal and meaningless.

Anna suddenly remembered as they approached the office that that there would be an exam. Distantly, she recalled having to reassure Mrs Patmore about her eye surgery, not realizing that there would be an operation. But her own situation was different, and she had been too afraid to see doctor since that night…

She pushed the bad thoughts from her mind. This was her last hope, their last chance to have children.

Luckily Dr Ryder was kind, in both examining her and relaying the news. The diagnosis came at somewhat a relief, and that this was a condition she always had. But even greater, there was a simple treatment. It was possible to carry to term. She smiled, a real smile, as happy images flooded her mind: her getting big and round, John cradling a newborn…

In the car ride back to Lady Rosamund’s, Lady Mary was in contrast chatty. Finally she asked, “So will you tell him now?”

Anna shrugged. “We’ll see. Certain things have to happen first.”

“And surely they will.” Lady Mary grinned.

John had once said, many years ago, that there was nothing worse than false hope. But this new hope was what let Anna blossom again.

 

**Waiting**

Well, that was quick. She checked the calendar again. Yes, it seemed like she missed her cycle last month. She was tired, but more than normal she didn’t know. And she seemed to be spared any morning sickness.

She gave in and told Lady Mary, her employer’s excitement contagious. But she scolded herself. Not until it worked. Her ladyship was confident, and Dr Ryder reassuring.

She dared to glance at herself in Lady Grantham’s full-length mirror, her eyes on her waistline versus Mrs Hughes’ hem. For a split second, she imagined her dress filling out, her belly full with child.

At home in the cottage she noticed John staring as she undressed. She smiled at him, the words almost on her tongue. But she chided herself. _Soon_ , she thought. They had waited so long for so many things, and now it would just a few more weeks. Then they could be excited together.

 

**Give Up**

Lady Mary patted Anna’s hand. It had been a few hours since the last sharp pain, and matter what her ladyship said in an offer of comfort, her face betrayed her. She was determined to get her lady’s maid and greatest confidant to London to have Dr Ryder see her in time, but she knew that couldn’t promise it.

Anna took a deep breath, silently willing her child to stay growing within her. She had tried to be cautious, afraid to be excited for this very reason. She felt horrible lying to John, remembering his forlorn face as they pulled away from the drive, etched with worry. He’d soon learn the outcome, good or bad.

It was strange waking up in a guest room at Lady Rosamund’s. Hope had not been lost—nor had the little one. She had been close to giving up, but this hurdle had been crossed, allowing her to drift off again and dream happier thoughts.

 

**Precious Treasure**

His fingers grazed her bare stomach, her nightgown pushed up to just under her bust, the fabric pooling around her. “And you are sure that you feel all right?”

She linked her hand with his. “I feel fine now, I promise.”

“It does scare me, you having to rush in the dark of night…” he didn’t want to press the issue.

“I’m sorry I kept this from you. But I didn’t want to get your hopes up… or mine.”

In the comfort of their cottage she had filled him in on everything: her initial visit with Dr Ryder and the diagnosis of her medical condition, the details of the mad dash to London. He was understanding about her secrecy, as much as he wished she had told him earlier. And his pure happiness outweighed anything else.

“Well, at least I know now.”

“You were perceptive and guessed most of it anyway.” She leaned up and caught his lip with her. Pulling away she said, twinkle in her eye, “That’s about as intimate as we can get for the next few weeks, by the way.”

He traced small circles on her skin. “I think I can handle that.” And of course anything to keep them both healthy and safe.

“I’ll admit I’m still a little worried,” she said, her voice now laced with concern.

“Let me worry with you.” He kissed her brow. “But it is all right to look forward to the future though too.”

A smile filled her features again. “It’s almost too hard to grasp that it could be finally happening.”

“It is surreal, my darling, but it _is_ happening.”

She gripped his hand again to reassure herself, pressing it gently where their precious treasure lay below within her.

 

**Fairy Tale**

Anna always thought that if there was one thing she was lucky with, it was that she had true love in her life. She and John had fought against so many odds and she knew that she couldn’t have made it through these last few years without his support, and that was something she’d never take for granted.

Today they had a rare day off together. Lady Mary had almost threatened to give her more of these in order to make her lady’s maid rest, but Anna insisted that she felt well. She still wanted to be cautious though, even with John shouting “bad harvest” loud enough to wake the neighbors, so they hadn’t told everyone yet. She decided she had some time before she was showing too much and no longer fitting in her clothes. At the moment, the bump was barely perceptible, and something only visible in their own home, where she felt safe enough to run her fingers over the growing swell, John’s joining hers, and cupping his palm against it.

But for now, their little one was carefully hidden in her coat as they browsed the bookshop at the end of their errands. She was deep in thought about if she wanted to purchase the new Poirot, when John held up a much thinner book.

“How about this one, to read to them?”

She smiled but then said, “I think it’s a little too early for that.”

“Well, I’ll start early, reading it to them now.”

She was too overwhelmed with emotion to protest. Soon it became a nightly ritual, intermixed with their typical literature, for him to read out loud, directing his voice to their child within her, caressing her belly. And as he talked about far away lands with mystical creatures and knights and princesses, she couldn’t help but think that she had found her own knight, and was ever so grateful for him.

 

**Food**

Anna once joked about looking like she was eating all of the pies, but now she was having the craving to do so and more. She always had a sweet tooth, but her desire to consume cakes and biscuits had compounded.

“You nearly devoured the whole Victoria sponge today at tea,” John commented one night as they took their journey home.

“Well, what can I say, it was delicious.” She smiled, looking up at him.

He patted her arm that was linked through his. “Mrs Patmore is going to guess what is up, given your appetite.”

Anna sucked in her breath. Certainly the cook and Mrs Hughes have gossiped about her expanding waistline, her work dresses no longer fully concealing the rounded swell pressing against the fabric. “I still want to wait just awhile longer. Just to be safe.”

Despite her hesitations, eventually the time came to tell everyone and then of course, Mrs Patmore and Daisy always made sure that Anna got the extra helpings and the largest slices of cake.

 

**Safety First**

“Do you think she's right?”  
“I don't know. Probably.”  
“Then there's no more to be said.”

Anna sighed. As much as she felt she knew Lady Mary, she was unsure about Mr Talbot and her employer’s relationship with him. She freshened up with the water in the basin and then went to finish undressing.

“And you, you’re all right? I mean, you did go down and see the crash.”

“It was just a car on fire when I got there.” She shrugged and pulled her nightgown over her head.

“And the running?”

She laughed and patted her bump, then cradling it. “I’m fine, John. We’re fine.”

He did one of those smirks to hide his concern. “Well, I worried all the same.”

“I certainly don’t plan to make a habit of it, I’ll assure you that.” She began pulling the pins out of her bun, setting them down one by one with click on the nightstand. “Miss Baxter knows though now, by the way. She’s guessed, so I confirmed.”

John grinned. “Oh!”

“She’s happy for us,” Anna said, a dreamy smile on her face as she braided her hair. She pulled back the covers and climbed into her little bed. “I wish we could push these together, you are too far away.”

“Alas, they are bolted to the floor.” He bookmarked his page and flicked off the light, “and don’t you dare try to snuggle in this one with me, as that’s no way to get the rest that you need!”

It was too dark for him to see the eye roll—albeit paired together with a grin—she gave him.

 

**Happiness**

If you had told Anna Bates at the start of this year how happy she’d be months later, she would not believe you.

She took John’s advice to allow herself to have hope, to have some excitement for the future, but as time passed, it wasn’t even a conscious effort; it was natural. The fluttering within her had turned into kicks, even her looser dresses became too tight. She had altered her pink overcoat so it would still close, but it was finally time to go buy new clothes. It _was_ happening.

She let him fuss over her—tending to her swollen feet, carrying the suitcases—but not _too_ much. She watched her husband beam with pride when they finally made their announcement to their co-workers.

They laid in bed, their hands linked over her bump, feeling their little one’s movements together. Anxious for his arrival – Anna swore it was a boy – but cherishing the moments leading up to it.

After all of the hardships and trauma, Anna and John made it through it all and now lived in bliss, awaiting their greatest, and well deserved, happiness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **A/N** : Thank you for reading! Next chapter will be up soon! (Canon, gasp!) Baby Bates will appear in future stories here soon.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **A/N:** Here are some more drabbles/ficlets, based on my list of prompts. They are arranged in order here by DA timeline (more or less), but were not written in that order, so I apologize for the disjointedness (which doesn’t help when they also vary in style and length whoops). For this set, I had dusted off a few long forgotten WIPs and added them in here, so there’s a bit of retread from the previous chapter, but parents-to-be Anna and Bates are always fun, right? A few also were written without any prompt but too short to be published, but then a word from the list fit so I included them as well.
> 
> This chapter was originally published for Valentine’s Day 2017.
> 
> **Disclaimer:** I don’t own Downton Abbey.
> 
> **Warnings:** Fleeting references to sexual assault and miscarriage.

**Stars**

The courtyard was the best place to get away from things in the servants’ hall, but it left him alone with his thoughts. Or so he believed, as he saw her cut through the dark. Her dress blended in her slightly, but her hair and eyes accompanied by the lace shone, the only other light besides that the moon and stars.

She was going to fight his corner, even if she got nothing in return. She’d say that his friendship was enough, even though he was aching to be able to offer her more.

The world might not be listening, but she was.

 

**Hold My Hand**

They had touched.

Not that they hadn’t before. They shook hands when they met, she helped dust him off when he’d fallen. They’d brushed against each other accidentally at meals.

But now he had taken her hand in his, and gently caressed her fingers. They had leaned in their faces so close, their lips almost making contact—

Alas. Interrupted.

She had been the one to choose to go, not him. She left before he could, before he could tell her that she deserves better, before he could put himself down again.

Her heart was pounding as she entered the servants’ corridor. They’d be no dreaming of anyone else tonight, or ever. Just him.

 

**Innocence**

All eyes turned to her as he had been escorted out of the building. They realized her words, that he wasn’t just her fiancé, but now her husband.

 She was unsure who had guided her to the sitting room but somehow she was there and she lifted the chain around her neck and slid the ring off it and onto her finger.    

~

She tried not to hyperventilate, there at the table, but emotions overwhelmed her and she felt not in control. Not of her breathing, not of her life, certainly not that her husband’s. She knew that the others were forming a plan, as she gulped for air but all the ringing in her ears screamed about how could this be done to an innocent man.

~

His lordship tried to hold him back. How was it that this was playing all out again and in reverse? How could this happen, another horrible thing done to his wonderful wife while he remained helpless? He had promised her, and failed. But he knew he could not fail to prove her innocence.

~

He knew that his plan defied logic, but he couldn’t figure out a quicker way to get her released. He penned the letters carefully, knowing he could trust Lord Grantham. This would at least abide some time and get her out of the horrid place. He knew just how horrible things could get in there. He had said she was strong, and he believed it, but he also could tell she was already worn down. She did not need this on top of everything. This had to work.

 

**Childhood**

He had been really surprised that Anna had a lot of his mother’s items here in Downton. When she had cleaned out the house in London to rent, she shipped up many pieces of furniture and had been graciously allowed to store some in the attics, some in her own room since she no longer had a roommate, and some in the spare one. It gave him a wave of nostalgia, but he was glad of it.

They took a break from decorating, drinking tea from his mother’s china. “So that second bedroom…” he started. He had only just gotten back, did he really want to broach this subject so quickly?

She knew where he was going with this. “Well, one day perhaps, we might have a special purpose for it.” A slight blushed crept into her cheeks.

He grinned. “Perhaps indeed.”

She beamed.

It took time, but in a little over five years, that room did indeed serve a special purpose, rooming their precious son.

 

**Puzzle**

“So what did you tell her?”

“What?”

“Miss O’Brien. What did you whisper in her ear?”

“Anna, somehow I don’t think now is the time to discuss that.”

They laid tangled in the sheets. Anna propped herself up on her elbow, her hair loose and fanning around her.

“And why not? I don’t like it when you keep things to yourself, John.” She lightly poked his bare shoulder.

“Let’s make sure it worked before I say anything. Then I’ll tell you. But for now…” He reached over to caress her face and then pulled her into a kiss.

She resolved to figure it out, but her mind quickly went for the better alternative at the moment.

 

**Two Roads**

Anna made sure to go a back way, just in case she ran into him. She knew that she had to go today to send it, so that it would arrive in the staff’s post on the fourteenth. John was more than likely up to something, she could tell, but she wanted to make sure that she gave him the first surprise.

She ducked out and was out sight before John made it to the post office himself. He was somewhat glad that Anna had not been put out about him not offering to accompany her on errands. He couldn’t always anyway, but this time he didn’t even mention it. But he had his secret mission, in order to insure that this card arrived on Valentine’s Day.

 

**Questioning**

John Bates had had enough to do with the police for a lifetime, and now it did not seem like it was over yet.

Anna had been doing so much better, and now she was here on pins and needles again.

That damn Vyner was trying to pin things on her and the déjà vu was becoming too intense.

He knew that she suggested telling the inspector everything because he had brought up the rat poison too late. But with Vera a motive had been clear as day – whereas Anna had never confirmed to them what had happened to her. And he knew she would struggle having to do so regardless.

Planning for the London trip had been exciting, Anna always loving a wedding, but more importantly, checking on his mother’s house to see if it was in shape to sale. It had seemed like for once things were aligning and now dread filled is stomach that they were going to be snatched away again.

He watched his wife who was tense even in her sleep, knowing that the anxiety was consuming her. He would make this right, he had to, for her sake.

 

**Can You Hear Me?**

Once Anna had dressed Lady Mary in that “medium smart” dress, she scurried downstairs to Mr Mead’s pantry. Lady Rosamund’s butler was always very kind to her and John, and upon asking to use his telephone, he left the room and shut the door without Anna even implying she wanted privacy. She smiled as she rang Downton, and waited to be patched through.

She sat down and pressed gently on the slight curve of her abdomen. She was quite possibly the happiest woman ever to have round ligament pain, the soreness in her sides a remainder that baby was safe inside her and her body adjusting to carry it. Her body hadn’t ever adjusted before. It was getting harder to remain cautious, as excitement began to overpower her worries.

There was a bit of a fumble as Mr Carson passed the telephone over, Anna wondering if the earpiece had fallen.

“Mr Bates, are you there?”

“Only if this is Mrs Bates,” replied her husband almost cheekily.

Anna grinned. “Well, this is she, and she has news on the littlest Bates.” Her cheeks began to flush a little red. “Everything is all right and normal.”

A sigh of relief came over the line. “Well, that is wonderful to hear.”

“It’s something that sometimes happens when you’re this far along—” she paused and took an emotional breath, “and the body is just adjusting for the baby.” Her voice grew quieter, so much so she was unsure at first that John could hear her as she added, “bad harvest, bad harvest.”

“Bad harvest indeed. Is this just something that you have to endure…?”

“Oh, it’s supposed to pass in time, although probably replaced by other pregnancy maladies like swollen feet and an aching back… but Dr Ryder did give me exercises to do and I can also use a warm towel for some relief. Really, it’s more of an annoyance than anything, and one I’d gladly put up with.”

“I’d rather wish that you didn’t have to put up with any annoyances, but…”

“But such is life.” A beat passed. “It’s a good thing that we are heading back tomorrow. Turns out that I’m the one doing the missing.”

“Well, you aren’t the only one, darling.”

Even after all the long separations that they had been forced to face, it seemed that the shortest of them were even hard to bear, cherishing so much the time that they had together. Anna longed to be at home, with John’s arms around her.

For now she just cradled her growing belly. “So I suppose we bid you goodnight, Baby Bates and I.”

Anna could hear the happiness laced him his voice along with the yearning. “Goodnight and I’ll see you both tomorrow.”

She smiled as she hung up the telephone, looking forward to the next day, and even more so the months to come.

 

**Words**

He watched her get ready, her pulling the dress over her head, the loose fabric ever just slightly snug across the middle. She fixed up her hair, which was ever so slightly tussled, but not much time to put it up again, they only had a small time before they have hop into the wagonette to get the church. She had commented that the first time Lady Mary wed she got herself ready first, but that wasn’t how they did things now.

She powdered her nose quickly, dusted a teeny bit of rouge, and dabbed on some gloss. She turned to face him, probably in hopes he had her hat.

But all he could see was how beautiful she was, her glow overwhelming him.

And the first thing he can think to say, lowly and breathlessly was, “Will you marry me?”

She gave him a bemused smile. “I do believe we are already married, silly beggar. For over six years.”

“You know, I didn’t get to ask you properly the first time. Nor did you get a proper church wedding.”

“I think it’s a little too late for the white dress,” she said, patting the small swell of her stomach.

He took his hands in hers, caressing her fingers and then holding it to his heart.

He did best Reverend Travis impression. “Today we are gathered here to reaffirm the love and marriage between Anna and John Bates.”

She gazed up at him, her eyes sparkling. “You have always had a way with words. Even if you proposal was… unconventional.”

They shared grins and then she continued. “But actions speak louder than words, and I think you know that you reaffirm our love and marriage everyday.” Her voice cracked slightly.

“ _We_ do.”

“No matter where we are gathered,” she said lowly, leaning up as his lips met hers halfway.

 

**Mirror**

It is March 19th. When she wakes up that morning, it’s not the first thing that’s on her mind, not like the years before, when she’d feel like trying to press herself into her husband’s side, as if he’d absorb the bad thoughts; but that’s the problem, she couldn’t sometimes bring herself to touch him. She remembered last year, which was after her visit with Dr Ryder, and her new hope. John at that point still didn’t know, but she had thought to herself, _I hope he doesn’t mind if we don’t try tonight. We can try tomorrow._

Their son was conceived the next week.

And it’s he who fills her thoughts that morning. She nurses him, changes his nappy, and then gets herself ready for work. John’s busying himself and they pause to meet their lips in a quick kiss as they scurry about.

It’s when she puts on her stockings that she suddenly remembers the date. She shakes it quickly out her mind and pulls her dress over her head. She’s already lost the weight from the baby and back to her old dresses, although she does still fill out the bust more. Looking in the mirror she dabs some gloss on her lips. But then she stares. Her fingers trace the light scar by her eye.

Slowly she lets out her breath. _You are John’s wife, and Will’s mother. You are still here and you are still going. You so much more than what happened to you._

She hears Will babble and John’s voice talking to him. She smiles, and she sees that smile in the mirror.

She sees herself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **A/N:** Thank you for reading!


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **A/N:** Some more drabbles/ficlets, based on my list of prompts! Again, they are arranged in order here by DA timeline, but were not written in that order, so I apologize for the disjointedness (plus as always, they vary in style and length).
> 
> This chapter is dedicated to fairytale_bliss for her birthday in 2017. :) It was originally posted on Fanfiction net in September 2017.
> 
> **Disclaimer:** I do not own Downton Abbey.
> 
> **Warnings** : References to the emotional trauma from sexual assault.

**Annoyance**

“Mr Bates, are you quite all right?”

She knew that he wasn’t. Every time he thought he was out of her sight, he was grimacing in pain. His leg was clearly bothering him.

“It’s just an annoyance.”

“Somehow I don’t think that. Thomas and Miss O’Brien are an annoyance and they might be more than that, so this definitely is not.”

Her jibe at their colleagues made him smile a bit. “It’s just my knee playing up, the usual.”

A few days later when she caught him again, she was ready this time. “This is for you,” she said, fishing a little oval tin from her apron pocket.

When he took it from her, their fingers grazed for just a moment.

“It’s a salve that us housemaids swear by. It might help you.” She truly hoped it did.

He grinned, not attempting to suppress it.

 

**Flowers**

It was such a stark difference, the two trays. Gwen was kind enough to think of her, and she would not fault her, but his tray looked so carefully prepared.

He had went out and got her flowers.

The thought had crossed her mind before, but she’d set it aside. Her heart was pounding, wondering if she could label it now, the feeling that were bubbling up.

Surely though with these flowers, he felt the same.

 

**Rejection**

There was never any formal announcement of their engagement, so there was no need for an announcement that it wasn’t happening.

But that didn’t mean people didn’t know.

Sad eyes followed her both downstairs and up. Even his lordship – well of course his lordship, John had told him.

Yes, _John_. She had to admit that was going to be an adjustment, and now he was not even here for her to call him that.

She overheard Miss O’Brien saying something about being _rejected_ – whether or not she was gossiping about her she didn’t know, nor want to. But the word stuck with her all evening and as she piled into bed, pulling the blankets up to her chin, she thought to herself, no she wasn’t _rejected_ – he left for some noble cause she was sure of it.

Still, it hurt all the same.

 

**Dying**

The war had seemed “over there” and but then it was more in the forefront, not allowing it seem like a tale of a far off land. The soldiers in the house… William… Mr Crawley’s spine… this war’s pain and destruction had reached their Yorkshire castle and something that couldn’t be ignored.

Anna’s words about feeling guilty rattled around in John’s head. He got scared that he was being to optimistic but after this last battle with Vera, he hoped that things were finally drawing to a close with her. What mattered most to him was Anna’s happiness, especially turning this dark time for the country.

His fiancée had always worn her heart on her sleeve and with her empathetic nature, she easily absorbed the emotions of the world around her. She kept up a strong front, but sometimes he’d catch her in the courtyard sniffing back tears.

A week or so after William passed, John met with her there, on the bench. She brightened at seeing him, but clutched at his hands as he settled down next to her. Moisture was brimming in her eyes.

“Sorry,” she muttered.

John wasn’t even sure what she was apologizing for. “No need.” He squeezed her hand.

“I feel terrible and I don’t know what to do. My heart is torn with what—with William gone, and… is it wrong I am happy you didn’t go?” Her voice dropped lower. “That you can’t.”

“I don’t think it’s wrong,” he said softly.

Before he could say more, she added, “And I feel guilty that you _have_ lived through that, but that it was before we met and—”

“It’s all right.” He reached up and brushed away the tear that had slipped down her cheek. He himself at times had felt that perhaps what happened to his leg was a blessing in disguise, for this reason and others. “Truth be told, I’m glad you didn’t have to suffer through it. That you don’t now.”

She smiled weakly.

“And don’t feel terrible, your compassion is a credit to you. You are so strong for others; Mrs Patmore, Daisy, even Lady Mary. It’s a trait I love and admire. But you don’t have stop yourself from feeling any relief. If anything, it shows you don’t take things for granted.”

“As long as you say so,” she said letting out a breath.

“I know so.” He caressed her face.

They sat there for a bit before they had to rush off to tend to their employers, but along with his hopes that the war would end, he hoped that Anna knew that there were nothing wrong with her feelings, whatever they were at any time.

 

**Sport**

“You aren’t sad that you don’t get to play?” Anna nodded to the cricket pitch out the window of the scorekeeper box.

“I suppose that I miss being able to, physically, I mean. I miss having the choice.”

She smiled sadly at him, but he shrugged and then offered a smile of his own.

“There’s another spectator sport I prefer though.” The words harkened back to the garden party, now seeming so long ago, in another, idyllic world.

“What’s that?” she said, her smile growing happier.

“Just simply gazing at you.”

She blushed, just a little. But how open, and how free they could be now.

John motioned to her to come closer. She stood and breached the gap of only a few steps. He put his arm around her waist and pulled her into his lap.

She burst into giggles. “Mr Bates! I don’t believe this appropriate scorekeeping behavior!” she exclaimed with fake admonishment. “How are you supposed to watch the match?”

“They are having a tea break,” he replied lowly in her ear, “and we shall have ours.”

 

**Grey**

They say that you are blue when you are sad, but everything to Anna seemed instead rather grey.

She wasn’t in complete darkness now, not with John knowing. Light had begun to seep in so she wasn’t lost in blackness.

She loathed how things still bothered her though. Sometimes she still involuntarily flinched when he touched her, and she felt horrible that he basically had to learn to that now he had to offer his hand versus just taking hers. He had to hold his arms out to indicate he wanted to embrace her. She almost always gladly accepted, but it made her frustrated at herself that he had to make these accommodations.

They’d kissed a few times, but nothing more. They slept in the same bed, and she’d occasionally snuggle, but John always told her that they didn’t have to do anything she wasn’t ready for.

Sometimes she worried that she wouldn’t ever be ready. She knew how gallant John was – he’d wait forever, if need be. But she didn’t feel it was fair to him. It wasn’t something that they _had_ to do. Their relationship wasn’t built on that - they waited before they married, and had unfortunate long separations. But it was something that expressed their deep love for one another in physical ways that transcended everything. An act that was so meaningfully because of how much loved each other.

And she didn’t want that taken away from her. From them.

There was another thing, one that crept up whenever she saw Nanny with Master George and Miss Sybbie.

She still wanted children.

Perhaps she didn’t deserve them now. John would tell her otherwise. John also told her that they could still wait.

But it wasn’t something that they could wait for forever though. Not like she wasn’t aging. And even if she was no longer worthy, he still was.

Color did filter through bit by bit though. And they didn’t have to wait forever.

 

**Vacation**

Their holidays were always work related, but they always managed to find sometime to have some fun, which John was always glad of.

But he was especially glad of this trip to London. It had been some time since the Crawleys had done the Season, and Lady Rose’s presentation had come at a time that really was helpful to Anna.

She had been doing better, more good days than bad, in these past few months. John would often think that perhaps it would help to go somewhere else, to start over, but he also knew that Anna needed the stability of routine to help her anxiety. Plus having both Lady Mary and Mrs Hughes’ support, whether or not verbalized, also was beneficiary.

Still, this trip was bringing out—well he’d never want to say “the old Anna.” That wasn’t sensitive. Trauma changes people, but she still was Anna. Still the woman he fell in love with, still his wife. But now though, she was excited again, and overall more cheerful. He knew that she loved getting the ladies dressed in their fancier clothing and getting their hair just right. She herself didn’t need that glitz and glamour, but she took passion in her job.

A London summer was always a lot warmer than a Yorkshire one, and Anna had chosen to buy a new blouse for work with sheer sleeves. Perhaps too daring for a lady’s maid, but Mr Carson was so busy with prepping with all the parties and balls and he took no notice and had no complaints. To John though, he not only found it attractive as her husband, but also realized that she felt better enough to wear something that some might consider a little racy.

But then there was the incident with the coat. He didn’t want to break this reverie for her, and tell her exactly why he wanted to go through the pockets before she donated it. They had gone weeks without any mention of the horrible night, without it looming over their heads. And now here they were, with true free time on the beach. But it also wasn’t any good to make her feel guilty about something that wasn’t her fault. There was enough of that, entirely too much.

Anna came back, and thankfully had also bought herself an ice cream as she handed him his penny lick.

“Be careful, it’s already melting,” she said with a giggle, peering up from beneath her straw hat.

She gave him a radiant smile, as bright as the sun, and he knew that she was defeating the shadows, day by day.

 

**Danger Ahead**

She pressed herself against him, his solid form grounding her to the here and now. After too many nights of sleeping alone, she never wanted to let him go.

If there was still danger ahead they chose not to dwell on it for now, basking in the warm glow of their love. His hand reached up to stroke her head, content just stay in this moment for now. The world shut off around them. He had promised to answer her questions in the morning, just wanting now just to be. A feeling that he had wanted for so long, mostly for her if not himself. Why was the universe so cruel to such a lovely and wonderful creature? He couldn’t fathom it.

He shook those thoughts from his head now though. They were together again, and that’s what mattered.

 

**Illusion**

Anna handed the towel back to John, now cooled. Before she had a chance to pull her nightgown down, he placed his other palm against the curve of abdomen. She threaded her fingers through his, and she smiled up at him.

“Good idea asking to sit during the tour,” he said gently. Anna often pushed herself to her limits, and he was glad that she, without prompting, suggested she take it easy. “I think Mrs Hughes is catching on, by the way.”

Anna sighed a little. “Well, she was giving me a look in the kitchen the other day.”

The swell was already beginning to strain at the fabric of her work dresses, although it was not entirely obvious yet. Or so she had thought.

“Maybe she just thinks it’s an illusion.”

“I doubt it,” he said with a chuckle.

“I do want to tell people, I just want to wait a little while longer…” Her expression showed her conflicting emotions, of wanting to be happy, but also afraid to indulge into that happiness.

“I know, darling, I know.” He pressed a kiss into her temple, knowing that while it still seem surreal at times even for them, it was indeed happening.

 

**Creation**

The newborn in her arms was their creation.

Ten fingers, ten toes. Two blue eyes peered up at her. Already some fuzzy hair dusting his head. Long legs – surely a sign that he’d inherited his father’s height.

Overall, he was prefect.

But of course he was, because he was theirs.

So many things had brought to them this moment: some wonderful and joyous, and some horrible and heinous. But in the end, it was all those events, whether they be the choices they made, or tribulations completely out of their control, it all lead them to this.

Their son.

The heartbreaks of the past could not be erased, but they moved forward on their path together, where only happiness was seen on the horizon.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **A/N:** Thank you for reading!


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **A/N:** Some more drabbles/ficlets, based on my list of prompts! Again, they are arranged in order here by DA timeline, but were not written in that order, so I apologize for the disjointedness (plus as always, they vary in style and length, etc., etc.). I'm also getting down to some of the trickier words so these might be a little weirder lol. This chapter was originally published on Valentine's Day 2018.
> 
> **Disclaimer:** I do not own _Downton Abbey._
> 
> **Warnings:** Super fleeting references to the emotional trauma from sexual assault.

**Mischief Managed**

_“You naughty girl.”_

The phrase rattled around in her head for bit. Perhaps it was the thrill of getting even with Thomas and O’Brien, but perhaps it was also down to _who_ she was hatching this plan with.

She couldn’t place a label on her feelings but her heart was quickening all the same.

He returned with a twinkle in his eye, letting her know he had carried out the mission.

She tried to remain composed, knowing that she’d have to remind Mr Carson to ask about the missing snuff box in a bit.

But oh how she’d love to see that eye-twinkle of Mr Bates’ everyday, and only for her.

 

**Drowning**

He’d let himself give in for once, swept away by emotions, letting the glimmer of hope take over. The glimmer rested on someone he didn’t trust at all, but if she could grant him this one thing finally, then he could be with his true love.

It all seemed so soppy and he hadn’t really meant for it to be a proposal, more of a promise of one. But it didn’t matter. Anna accepted him—and not just his non-proposal—but who he really was. He didn’t deserve her, but she chose him.

The tears that had formed in her eyes had confused him at first, but he felt it as much as her. To verbalize their hopes and dreams for the future was the happiest he had been. The fantasies of being married and having a family had a chance of becoming reality.

Ethel's arrival in the servants’ hall had caused an abrupt end to the conversation, but not to the feelings that poured out. Anna reached out her hand to give his a quick squeeze as she tried to recompose her face, but still feeling drowned in love.

 

**Seeing Red**

Anna didn’t tend to get angry. She’d get upset, she’d get snarky sometimes, but not full out angry.

But Vera, Vera made her angry.

She knew that Mr Bates felt guilty about how he’d handled his relationship with his first wife – well his wife, they weren’t divorced yet – but Anna also knew that Vera played her own part in it.

Her dislike of Vera wasn’t just because wasn’t just because she stood in the way of her own happiness, but of her fiancé’s.

“Why did she have to come here now, and with everything with William, it’s as if she knew,” Anna seethed.

“She always has impeccable timing.” He let out a long sigh. “I’m sorry.”

“It’s not your fault,” she replied, her voice becoming calmer. He gave her a look of disbelief. “Whatever you say, it’s not. She’s the one who chose to come here today. Apparently she wants to complicate her own life.”

She gave him a squeeze of her hand and went off as someone called her name in the distance.

 

**Pen and Paper**

It was always a conflicting emotion. She was excited to see her husband, but it tore her heart in two about where she had to see him.

The gate squealed open, the crowd of visitors herded in like cattle. The warder ticked off names on a clipboard as they crossed over the threshold.

It was the usual man, who had learned her name already and always just nodded her through. But this time he held up a hand to stop her.

“Anna Bates to see John Bates,” she said. _Had the warder forgotten her?_

“That prisoner is to receive no visitors,” the warder replied indifferently.

“ _That prisoner_ ” made her blood boil but then she was also hit with a wave of worry. “There must be some sort of mistake. I’m his wife—”

“No visitors means _no_ visitors ma’am, don’t care if you’re the Queen of England.” He waved the next person through.

She thought about waiting there, maybe eventually they’d take pity on her. She thought about ringing Mr Murray, but typically she went through Lord Grantham to contact the solicitor.

She decided to write John a letter.

Perhaps he had gotten into trouble. She knew that he’d keep his head down, but she also knew that certain things could provoke him.

But perhaps… he was trying to set her free.

His gallantry once again.

She didn’t receive any responses, but she kept on writing. They didn’t get returned to her so that meant something she supposed. Mrs Hughes assured her they had to be some reason.

Then a huge pile of letters arrived for her and the dread was lifted.

 

**Foreign**

“There,” John said, standing back to admire his handiwork.

Anna looked up from her flowers she was arranging on one of the credenzas. Her husband had been working on fixing up the old sofa Mrs Bow had left, that they managed to break within the first few minutes of having their own home.

He sat down, holding out his hands for her to come join him. She took them and he pulled her into his lap, balancing her on his good leg.

“So did I fix it?”

As she wrapped her arms around his shoulder, the sofa creaked, threatening another collapse, but it still held.

“ _Je ne sais pas_ ,” Anna answered.

“Since when did you speak another language?” John teased.

“Since I spent a month in France with Lady Mary and Mr Matthew. Only they were spending it with each other and I was left to do other things.”

“Like learning French?”

“Well, truth be told, I learnt a few phrases before we went just to get by. But they were important for what I did do.”

“Ordering frog legs?”

“No, you silly beggar, buying things,” she replied with a mischievous giggle.

Knowing what that meant, he slid his hand under her skirt and up her thigh, fingers meeting the frill of the garter’s lace.

Her mouth met with his and he grinned into the kiss, breaking apart to say, “I do think we ought to make good use of your purchase, _mon amour_.”

 

**Playing the Melody**

John first learned that Anna could sing at his first Christmas at Downton, her voice accompanying William Mason’s piano playing at the staff luncheon. While they all joined in for most of the carols, she had been the one singled out to sing a solo. Her rendition of “O Holy Night” was clear and sweet, much like herself.

It was a talent that she often did not share with others. But Anna did enjoy music, humming a tune here and there. John didn’t really get to hear her sing more though until they were married, occasionally filling the cottage with folk songs as she dusted or maybe a song from a musical in the bathtub.

So much of their lives changed with the events of what was usually only referred to as _that night._ When Lady Rose invited the jazz band to play a few months later, John had been worried that it might stress his wife further. Anna stood in the doorframe of the servants’ hall, where she could hear the music, but still be close to John. She couldn’t bring herself to join the others in the stairwell, but she turned to her husband, still seated at the table, and gave him a small smile. She was working on it, but this wouldn’t be taken from her either.

The years would pass, but eventually her talents were put to the best use; singing lullabies to her son.

 

**Starvation**

She’s been here before, her hand gliding to have come contact with him to make sure that he was real, that he was really there with her. She never wanted to let go, afraid that he might be taken again from her. She was starved for touch, but he was also her anchor.

She breathed in his scent, tasted his lips, heard his sweet murmurs, his reassurances that he wasn’t going away again. Their eyes met, full of love, belonging, and a true of sense home.

 

**Rainbow**

Neither Anna nor John were one much for rain. Anna didn’t like everything getting wet as they traipsed back and forth to work from the cottage, and John didn’t like how it got the end of his stick muddy and how it stuck more into the ground making it harder to use. She did like snow though, to which she claimed was because it was pretty. Rain lacked that aesthetic quality for her.

A major storm had blown throw a in early May, as the house prepared for the Carsons’ wedding. Anna’s good mood from her trip with Lady Mary to London weeks prior remained throughout regardless, and perhaps the upcoming nuptials also contributed to her bouncy state. Whatever it was, John was glad of it. Anna deserved no more tragedy in her life, and it was the most cheerful she’d been in quite some time.

The ground was still damp as they headed off to work on day, but the clouds were parting.

“Look! A rainbow!” she pointed with glee.

He chuckled with a smile as she turned back to look at him.

“That’s the good thing about storms,” she said, “they don’t last forever.”

 

**Drive**

“I hope that Lady Mary really is all right with going to this,” Anna said, examining her hat as she put it into the round box.

“They just drive around a track,” John commented, folding his trousers to put into the open suitcase on the bed.

“But yet you’ll find that exciting?” she said teasingly.

He grinned. “I will with you beside me.” He leaned down and gave her a quick peck on the lips and she giggled a bit.

She turned back to the wardrobe and took out her dusty-pink colored coat. She knew that she could still fit into her cream-colored blouse and matching skirt, but she hadn’t tried the coat on in awhile. All it had was the one button but…

“Hmm.”

John glanced up and saw that his wife had put the coat on and was examining herself in their full-length mirror. “What’s wrong?”

“This doesn’t quite lay right anymore.” She turned more to look at her profile and wrinkled her nose at that angle as well. The coat’s button sat above the growing swell of her abdomen, their unborn child now beginning to make itself known through her clothing. It caused the edges of the fabric not to meet, but rather to fan out around the new roundness of her figure, and thus the coat did not close.

He chuckled and crossed the room a few steps to her. “I think we know the reason for that.”

“We do indeed.” Anna’s hands instinctively went to her stomach, the cradling motion pushing down on the looser fabric underneath the swell and making the small bump more prominent. “It’s just that is my lightest coat and we’re going to London, and I want to look smart.”

“You look perfectly smart to me.” He took the sides of the coat and ran his hands down the edges as if he was adjusting his lordship’s suit jacket, but then he reached her belly, stopping to cup it and gently stroke it with his thumb.

She smiled at this, pride and joy beginning to bubble up, no matter how cautious she tried to be. She leaned upward and gave him a quick kiss, and briefly took his hands in hers. “I have an idea now!”

He looked confused, but followed her as she went down to their sitting room.

“It’s just too high, the button that is. I just need to move it down.” She grabbed her sewing box and went to work, her skills as a lady’s maid allowing her to deftly remove the button and place it inches down the front.

“There,” she said, proud of her handiwork, modeling it for John. The button now sat underneath the apex of the slope of where their child was steadily growing. And the coat did close. More or less. To John, the change in his wife’s figure was still obvious, but perhaps she still could hide their precious secret from others a little while longer.

Eventually, Anna did have to cave and order maternity dresses. She first had to purchase a loose enough dress for Lady Mary’s wedding to Mr Talbot, and it was then that she finally ordered ones for work, black dresses appropriate for a lady’s maid of this sort not being in any line of ready-wear that she could find. The seamstress did not look at her oddly but rather gave her a happy smile, a boost to Anna’s confidence.

The first time she put one on it was an overwhelming feeling; she was wearing something made for someone in her condition. It still was almost surreal that she was even in this _condition_. And the dresses were a symbol of what awaited in the future. The inky material was smooth under her fingers as she ran her hand down her belly, knowing that soon that the movements inside her would be kicks, and that in a matter of months, her dream of being mother would finally become true.

 

**Out Cold**

 “Happy Valentine’s Day,” John whispered with a smile as he entered their bedroom.

It had indeed been a happy, albeit rather quiet, one, spent in with their darling newborn son.

Anna turned from the bassinet and smiled.

“You know,” she said, her fingers playing upon her husband’s tie, “this is the date that the doctor said that we can resume more… intimate activities.”

“Is it really now?” He grinned, his hands now on his wife.

“I thought that it was rather auspicious. And he’s,” she inclined her head to their son in his cot, “sleeping hard, so…”

Their lips met and the kiss quickly deepened.

But as if on cue, Will stirred and became to whimper. Anna and John broke apart, and she giggled.

“Always vying for attention when Mummy and Daddy kiss,” Anna tsked, although her voice only showed affection as she scooped up the baby. “He’s starting to form a habit with this, isn’t he?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **A/N:** "Rainbow" may or may not be inspired by the UK's Eurovision song for this year haha.
> 
> Thank you for reading!


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **A/N:** Thank you everyone who ever reviewed this fic (or any of my fics over the years), but since the movie's coming out this year, I made the decision to speed up finishing this work, before I get too AU with the ones set in the future (something already is AU, see the end note for a movie filming spoiler [see the end of the final chapter]). I made this decision back in late September 2018 and have worked on these since. Technically speaking, the last ‘Snippet’ in the final chapter is what I wrote last, although I’m posting the epilogue to “Dreams Come True” after I upload the rest of the chapters here.
> 
> You know the spiel, these are arranged in order here by DA timeline, but were not written in that order, and some in chapter 6 were written pre-movie announcement etc. so I apologize for the disjointedness. Per usual, they vary in style and length, but there are also a couple REALLY short ones because as I noted before, as I got closer to the bottom some of the trickier words so these might be a little weirder lol. Some of them I wrote because had an idea, and then I matched them to a word here. And some of them I fear are retreads.
> 
> The whole point of writing down my ideas and headcanons for Anna and Bates and posting them as fics was to share them, so I want to be able to share what I did come up with, so I want to get these all out there.
> 
> Again, thank you to those who have enjoyed and have left me reviews over the years.
> 
> **Disclaimer:** I do not own _Downton Abbey_. If I did, there would be no damn movie and we can be happy with the S6CS ending forever.
> 
> **Warnings:** References to the emotional trauma from sexual assault, miscarriage.

**Test**

Anna and Ethel trudged up the stairs, passing through the door to the women's side. Anna opened their bedroom door, and let the other maid enter first.

Ethel sighed and flopped onto her bed, while Anna went over to unpin her hair frill.

“So… does it make you envious?” The red head rolled over onto her stomach.

“Envious about what?” Anna said, turning to her.

“William and Daisy.”

“Why would I be? I'm happy for them, if it’s what they both want.” She did have to admit that she had her doubts that Daisy was quite ready for marriage.

Ethel gazed up, with a look in her eyes like she was afraid to speak further.

Anna took the hint. “Don't worry about me, I'm fine.”

“I mean, because...”

_Because I was the last servant engaged here, yes Ethel, I know._ But the other woman did not know what Anna had been up to on her day off. Only Lady Mary had had any inkling, having been the one to secure the information via Sir Richard.

She just gave the redhead a cheerful smile rather than to confide in her.

But as she climbed into bed later, pulling the covers to her chin, she couldn’t help but think of how this was a test. God did always seem to be testing her, and perhaps right now he was testing her patience. But she’d wait forever if she had to, to be with Mr John Bates.

 

**Misfortune**

 John could admit it to himself that the war was bringing back bad memories, but he couldn’t really verbalize it to anyone. He could tell by Anna’s sympathetic eyes that she knew that it must be, but he was always grateful that in her unwavering support, she never did pry, but rather waited for when he was ready to divulge.

He was glad to be back at Downton Abbey. While most importantly it brought him back closer to the love of his life, he also preferred the life of valet over that of a barkeep. He had been glad that the pub took him on so easily, which was the real reason he had interviewed for that position, but he also wondered it had been some subconscious effort be a sort of punishment, to be surrounded by alcohol. But he had had no urges to fight off.

But the abbey had been turned into a convalescent hospital, which is where the past had been kicked back up. These officers were given a luxury that he was not awarded, to heal in a gorgeous castle. No, he had been shoved out of the hospital as soon as he could hobble on crutches, back over to Vera, who had no desired to nurse her crippled husband.

She was on his mind a lot these days, unfortunate timing. He wanted the divorce to be over and done with. And the war as well.

The loss of William cast a further pall over everything, adding to the already somber atmosphere. The only light in his days was being with Anna. But he counted his blessings with other things as well. He might only have one properly functioning leg, but he did still have both his legs. He could still walk, even with a limp.

When his lordship had asked him to look after Mr Matthew, John had been slightly confused. But did make sense - Captain Crawley was also a convalescing soldier, it made sense that he stayed at Downton and not back at home (and not like he didn’t see his mother all the time, always fretting about). He did think perhaps it would have been better to have brought in Mr Molesley, but he was to remain at Crawley House. A more abled bodied man might have had an easier time of maneuvering the injured heir, but that was just it - to Matthew Crawley, Bates _was_ a more abled bodied man.

The first few times, they didn’t speak much between what needed to be said, and the customary phrases exchanged between an employer and his valet - _“Is that all, sir?” “No, thank you Bates.”_ But there was an unspoken question that lingered in the air, until one day Mr Matthew asked it.

“When did you know--when did you know that your life was changed? That you’d never walk-- properly,” the prone man swallowed from his bed, quick to correct his word from “ _again_ ,” “When did you know that you’d never be the same?”

John thought about it, and sighed. Was it went he pushed Lord Grantham out of the way? He could feel the heat from that day in South Africa now in this room. Or was it when he woke up in the medic tent? No, he knew the reason answer.

“It was when I came home, sir.”

Mr Matthew nodded at his short and sweet reply. John wasn’t sure if it was the same for the younger man, the man who had two women who loved him. Perhaps he could push Miss Swire away, but he was living in Lady Mary’s house.

After he finished, John headed back downstairs. He found Anna on the landing, about to make her way down herself, one of her ladyship’s gowns folded of her arm. Her face was etched in worry, as it often was these days, one where he could see that the day’s events were bearing down on her soul. However, her face broke out in a grin when saw him.

He returned the smile. He knew how fortunate he was, and that when he was with her, he was home.

 

**Insanity**

She hurried after him, knowing where he must have gone. There he stood in the courtyard, his hand to his mouth almost in disbelief. The telegram shook in her own hand.

He registered that she was there, but looked down to avoid her gaze. “You must think that I am insane to grieve her in any way considering all that she has done.”

Anna shook her head. “No, no I don’t. Yes, she was horrible in the time I knew her, but I also know you, Mr Bates, and there is no way you’d marry anyone if you didn’t love them.”

“Well, I had thought I did at the time.” He did a bit of a half weak smile, acknowledging his past mistakes.

Moving closer to him, she said, “I’m sorry that she chose this way to go. But I am more sorry for all the pain that she caused you.”

“And you,” he responded, finally meeting her eyes. He took a long deep breath.

She reached over and ran her hand down his arm in support.

The real questions though stayed unasked and unanswered that afternoon.

 

**Mother Nature**

Ethel’s little Charlie was passed to Anna as the redhead tried to calm her nerves. She had never been a favorite of the other servants, in fact John himself barely knew her, but they couldn’t help but feel sorry for her.

His eyes then fixated on his fiancée, bouncing the baby boy on his lap, his heart quickening at the sight. She was such a natural and for a second his mind flashed to what the future might bring.

 

**Orly?**

“‘O - R - L - Y’ -- that doesn’t spell anything!” scoffed Miss O’Brien.

“Sure it does!” exclaimed Mrs Patmore. “It’s shorthand for ‘oh really?’”

“And why would a spirit be saying ‘oh really?’ to us? They are communicating to us from the great beyond and that’s what they have to say?”

Anna sat further from the others at the servants’ hall table, fixing up some beading on Lady Mary’s red dress. It had a daisy chain of seed beads across the necklace, and a few had come loose. Probably thanks to Mr Matthew’s spinning her around.

_May they be happy, with my love._ Anna had thought that Daisy had been pushing it, the time they had played with the planchette board the other night. She knew that the kitchen maid had thought Mr Bates a “romantic figure,” and Anna had thought that maybe she was making a sweet gesture to her, all things considered. But Daisy had been adamant it wasn’t her, and had been hoping it was Anna just wishing fervently for her husband’s return.

Daisy bustled in and then scampered off rather quickly upon seeing the other servants gathered around the board, but not before meeting Anna’s eyes for a second. Daisy was a great believer of spirits, and probably had thought it was dear William wishing for her to go to Mr Mason’s farm, rather than Mrs Patmore’s doing. But she also had always believed that the ghosts of Mr Patrick and Mr Pamuk were about, and undoubtedly, she was thinking that this message must have come from the the late Miss Swire. Which, Anna mused, made sense she supposed, given how Mr Matthew proposed to Lady Mary that night.

Anna couldn’t help but wonder when John would make of all this. She was sad that he couldn’t be there experience it first hand, but given his reaction - albeit is kind towards Daisy - years ago with her other spirits, she had a feeling it wouldn’t believe that they were in the presence of Miss Lavinia Swire’s.

 

**Spiral**

Her fingers were trembling too much and she realized that she was cold but yet she was bubbling on the inside, with anger. Why did she still feel like this? Why couldn't she just ‘behave’? Why couldn't she move on? Why did it still hurt so much?

All it did was take some reminder and it sent her spiraling back. She withdrew within herself, unwilling to burden John, and even if she thought she should talk to him, her voice wouldn’t come out of her mouth, unable to even form the words.

He was always stalwart and patient with her, and she remembered something he told her years ago: “ _I don’t deserve you.”_

But really, sometimes she couldn’t help be feel the opposite.

 

**Are You Challenging Me?**

It was a long time, almost a whole year, before she’d brought a deck of the playing of cards out again. John was fairly certain that this was a new set too. He didn’t question what had happened to the older one. Good riddance.

He watched his wife shuffle the cards over and over. Although her hands were much smaller than his, her fingers were still long proportionally, and lovely, slender. He gazed her at her fondly, but then noticed that her expression was clouded and she never dealt the cards.

Closing his book, he said, “How about we play rummy?”

That brought her back to the present. She smiled and began distributing the cards between them.

“Is this a challenge, Mr Bates?” her tone light, albeit with a slight note of cautiousness.

“Well, let’s play a few rounds and see how I do,” he said with a grin.

He knew in the back of his mind that things probably wouldn’t have been different if he kept her more company _that_ weekend when they were all in the servants’ hall, but he secretly vowed now, that he’d join her and thus she wouldn’t have to play solitaire if he was there, proving that she wasn’t alone.

 

**Tower**

John knew that Anna would be unhappy of him thinking of her as a princess in a tower that was in need of saving. It created a reminder that something horrible had happened to her, and she wanted to move past that as much as she could. But he couldn’t help feeling that he had failed at protecting her, more than once now. And now she was literally locked up away from him. Some knight he was, he was having trouble saving her.

The phrase "in her character" sloshed around in his head as he took the train back to Downton from York. He knew Anna was right, Mr Murray was only trying to help, and he did know that the solicitor was always on their side and believed in their innocence. John blood still boiled though, that Vyner and his cronies would ever even think that it was “in her nature,” and really, was a woman not allowed to defend herself? With her vile stepfather, it was defense, plain and simple.

She was not a defenseless princess. In fact, Anna was a queen. No matter how delicate she may seem, she was strong. John could attest to that. Still, he had to figure out how to get her out of there.

 

**Drink**

Anna always loved dressing up the girls for special occasions. She had no need for herself the fancy gowns and jewels, but there was something thrilling about getting her employer’s gussied up for a big event. Perhaps it was because growing up she only ever had one doll. Perhaps not.

She had gone to discuss the plan with Mrs Patmore that night while Miss Baxter worked hard on the evening coat. Anna had to admit as much as she liked to sew and thought she was decent at it, it was a big undertaking to complete for the very next day, and she was getting very tired. She was sure she knew why, but chose to stifle that mix of excitement and anxiety for the time being. _And Miss Baxter has an electric sewing machine_ , she told herself to be excused from the hemming duties.

But had it been agreed upon, and quite easily, as Mrs Patmore was coming to Anna with the very same idea. They’d surprise Mrs Hughes that morning. A new person to dress up.

Miss Baxter did the actual dressing, as she needed to make sure that the hem fell correctly. Anna was in charge of hair and coaxing the housekeeper into allowing her to put on some make-up.

“Something old, something new, something borrowed, something blue,” chanted Mrs Patmore, bopping about to see if she could be of help. Seemed poor Daisy was left alone to do the upstairs breakfast.

“A sixpence in her shoe,” Anna finished, as she slid in a hairpin to secure Mrs Hughes’ coif.

“Oh, I forgot the bloody sixpence!” Mrs Patmore wailed, busting out of the room. The lady’s maids laughed.

“I will take my leave now, as I need to take the tray up to her ladyship,” said Miss Baxter.

Anna nodded. “Go ahead, I can take it from here.”

As the other lady’s maid left, Anna added, “Lady Mary said she’d pop down to the dining room in something casual for breakfast and then I can help her change if need be before we all head over.”

“And what about you?” asked Mrs Hughes, noting that Anna was in her black work clothes.

“Not a problem, I can change in a jiffy.” She’d brought her wedding guest attire to work with her.

She paused as she admired her work, and then a thought came to her… she remembered readying Lady Mary for her wedding to Mr Matthew, and she remembered Lady Grantham feeling the need to offer advice on a certain subject.

Anna gulped. She very well might have needed a strong drink to have that awkward conversation, not that she drank that often.

She though also recalled how Lady Mary retorted that Anna might be embarrassed to know about the countess’ more intimate life, but Anna herself responded with her pride a reminder that she too was a married woman.

And with that, she was the only woman she knew downstairs that had firsthand experience. Well, as far as she knew.

“Mrs Hughes,” she started, and then cleared her throat. “Is there anything that you might… want to ask? Now that the others are gone…”

The housekeeper’s eyes widened but then relaxed. “I feel like this is all backwards.”

Anna smirked with a tilt of her head, now picking up the pot of rouge on the dresser. “Perhaps.”

A thought crept into her mind about her own mum, her real mum, and how she never was on the receiving end of this conversation, and really never needing to be…

“I mean, as a farm girl…”

The lady’s maid nodded, also having been one.

“… you pick on things… wait did Mrs Patmore put you up to this?”

Anna looked confused. The cook had been gone an awfully long time it seemed, or maybe due to their talk it seemed like time was dragging…

“No…” Anna was puzzled but yet also amused.

“Ah. Well.”

“Basically, even if you’re nervous… you figure it out. Because you love each other.” Anna could feel some blush creeping into her face, even if she utterly believed in what she was saying, it was still odd to say it to the woman who on more than one occasion was like a mother to her.

“Well, that is good to know.”

“And that’s just the wedding night. Even during the ceremony your heart might be pounding out of your chest, but it will be all right, because it’s all about the love you share.” She grinned.

“Excitement and nerves can be very much the same feeling,” Mrs Hughes said.

“Indeed,” Anna agreed, dabbing some of the make up onto the housekeeper’s cheeks. _Indeed_.

~

**Deep in Thought**

Anna exited Dr Clarkson’s, trying to act it was completely natural for her to be doing so, hoping not to get any of the village tongues wagging. Dr Ryder had sent her file onward to her local doctor, under instructions that she should stop by monthly to make sure that everything was going to plan.

And thankfully, it was. Dr Clarkson assured her, multiple times, that everything was going smoothly now.

She still wanted to keep it private for the time being, just in case. But people were finding out bit by bit, like Miss Baxter the other day when they went to the automobile race. Perhaps the time to tell people was near, as she was showing more and more, and she couldn’t help the happy images of cuddling a small infant, _her infant_ , from entering in her mind.

So many thoughts swirled about, and as she stepped out onto the street, there was Mr Branson, looking straight at her, and with a nod of his head to say hello.

“I hope all is well,” he greeted cheerfully.

There was no point in hiding the truth, as Lady Mary had filled him in and he had driven them to the train station that night to ensure she made it to see Dr Ryder in time. That didn’t stop a bit of blush from creeping in.

“Yes,” she replied bashfully. “I must thank you again for making sure I caught that train.”

“But of course, it was no problem.” He waited a beat and added, “I assume Mr Bates is delighted.”

She beamed. “Indeed he is!”

“I’ll properly tell you congratulations now. If there is two people that I know who’d make the most wonderful parents, it would be you two.”

Her face reddened further as tried to get out another “thank you” before the Irishman went off on his own task.

As she returned to the Abbey, she realized that with no packages in hand, just her handbag, some might question her on what her errands were. Those thoughts faded as she saw that Sergeant Willis was in the courtyard. Why couldn’t they all get rid of him?

But then she was left with a juicy tidbit: Mrs Patmore had _a house of ill repute!_


	7. Chapter 7

**Under the Rain**

Anna headed out to brave the summer storm when suddenly Mr Bates was at her arm with an umbrella, now covering them both.

“I’ll walk into the village with you.” He said with a light smile.

She returned it, but protested, “Really, I’ll be fine, I know you did your errands earlier today.”

“I don’t think it’s right to let a lady go out in this weather alone.”

It was the use of the word ‘“lady” that make a jolt go through her, know what it was alluding to. She took a deep breath and answered.  “Very well then.”

They started off together, close, but not close enough to touch. At first. Then the closer they got into town, the gushes of wind pushed them together.

He might have had on an overcoat, but the only thing keeping him warm was Anna, pressed against his arm and side. His hand gripped the umbrella tightly over them, but his other arm ached to wrap around her and protect from the whatever storms came her way.

 

**Dreams**

_Go to sleep and dream of a better man_ , he once had said.

But she could not and did not.

Now though, they built up a different kind of dream, a dream for the future that they might have together. A cottage, a home of their own. A hotel, to build up their own business and make their own way. Children, little perfect beings that would be made up of both of them.

_Big dreams_ , she later tells Ethel. Dreams that she didn’t know would, indeed, come true, one day.

 

**Stripes**

Their first few nights in the cottage, there was no pretense for climbing into their nightwear. They had months of newlywed bliss to make up for, and they wasted no moments of their evenings now together again.

Finally though, there came time where they were too tired from a hard day’s work and wanted to go to sleep as soon as they made it back to their home.

Anna shrugged into one of her lighter shifts, the weather still warm enough that she didn’t need the full length nightgown yet. As she tied off her braid with a ribbon, she turned to see her husband decked out in his blue striped pajamas.

“What?” John asked, puzzled by the expression on her face.

“Well, not that I haven’t seen you in these once before,” she said as she strode over and closed the space between them, “But it’s so nice to see them in _our_ bedroom.” She reached over and ran her hand over the chest hair that peeked out from the top of his collar.

“Hmm… and I thought you said you were too tired tonight?” He grinned as pulled her into his arms.

“I can be persuaded!” she exclaimed with a giggle.

 

**No Way Out**

The person waiting for her wasn’t her husband, but she had had a sick feeling that it wouldn’t be. He wouldn’t be greeting her with joy the way she had once for him.

Mr Murray looked at her with sad eyes as he explained things. As she suspected, John had gone and done something stupid on her behalf. She was unsure how he thought he could pull it off when everyone knew that he couldn’t have killed that monster simply because he’s too tall.

They were silent most of the way back from York. The solicitor had had her sit in the back with him, because even if this was Lord Grantham’s car, he was her client. She did take some comfort in his disbelief that she could ever do anything of the sort having worked with her before, but any comments on the deja vu of it all just made her angry.

Angry, sad, hurt, and confused. And she loathed any to-do that might have been planned at the abbey for her return. All she wanted now was to cry into the arms of the man she loved, but her freedom very well might have cost his.

**Sacrifice**

With love and loyalty so deep, came sacrifice. There was no question – the other was first and foremost put in front of themselves, no matter the cost. They somewhat traded off on this throughout the years, and now he was the one who had put himself on the line for her.

As she cradled their wedding photograph to her chest, she recalled what she told him, that cold November night almost a decade ago, _You're doing something gallant here, making a sacrifice for my honor, but I don't want you to!_

She knew that she should go to the tenant’s Christmas party (and if she didn’t appear, Mrs Hughes might come to the cottage and bring her up to the house herself), but Anna prepared herself for another night of crying while trying to fall asleep once she got back.

With one more caress of his likeness, she sighed and sat the framed photograph down and went to attempt to freshen herself up, not knowing that she wrong about the type of tears she’d be crying that evening.

**Kick in the Head**

John sits with a book in his hands but he can’t find it in him to open it. He hears footsteps and looks up to see Anna in her nightgown padding into the sitting room, wringing her hands -- always a clear indicator that she was upset.

“My darling,” he says, his voice barely above a whisper. He sets the book down and holds out his hands. She gladly takes them and she sits on the sofa with him.

“I’m so sorry,” she says, her voice wavering, as tears threaten to fall.

“Anna… again, it’s not your fault--”

“No, I mean… I mean for projecting my own feelings onto you. It’s… it’s me who doesn’t want to adopt.” The last word cracks as she says it. She averts her eyes from him. “It’s just… it’s not how I imagined it, you know? To carry and have our child. It makes me feel horrible, that I cannot open my heart to taking in another’s but… right now… I cannot. It hurts too much still.”

He squeezes her hands, his own eyes growing misty. “You were right though… I don’t think I’m ready for it either.” He knows he’s not, but he had wanted to give her another option, another way of becoming the wonderful mother than he knows she would be. But he also feels that it was the wrong time to say it -- the last miscarriage was only about a month ago, and he should have been more sensitive about that. He doesn’t dare bring it up, but he chastised himself.

She draws in her breath and looked him in the eyes again. “It’s just that… it feels like a… kick to the head. I failed again, but not just you, myself. I just so badly want to have a child that’s… made from us. From our love.” Her lip quivers as she tries not to cry.

“I know darling, I know. And I won’t lie and say that’s not a dream that’s hard for me… make peace with.” He doesn’t want to say _give up_. But he also knows he cannot make her go to the doctor, which he feels would be the thing they could do at this point. But that was up to her. “We just need time.”

She folds into his arms and begins to sob into his shoulder. He presses a kiss to her temple and thinks about how much time they’ve needed for so many things, how much she has needed it. Why could they not be granted this one thing?

**Eyes**

Anna did not like being the center of attention, and was glad that there was enough hubbub that lately that she was able to dodge it after the champagne celebration. Mrs Hughes seems wrapped up enough in her wedding plans that she didn’t seem to pick up that Anna was still downcast after, not like Lady Mary had. And as the big date drew near, the housekeeper was still busy enough that she didn’t notice Anna’s sudden change in demeanor then either.

There was enough distraction, and thanks perhaps to looser dresses, that she was able to hide things from the eyes of the others, as the months passed.

But once her little boy arrived and was out in the world, she did not mind the eyes that were on her at all. And her own were so enamoured with her newborn son.

**Heaven**

They laid in bed, the outdoors quiet, everything  serene. Moonlight filtered in around the curtain, illuminating the room just enough.

She smiled gently, and sleepily. “I could stay like this, just stay in this moment. I know, strange to say with so much on the horizon…”

His hand came to join hers on the curve of her abdomen, still about three months to go.

“Hmmm,” he muttered, “Although perhaps best if we want to sleep through the night.”

He chuckled and she joined in. “Not to say that I don’t yearn to meet our child but… For the first time, in a long time,” she said, snuggling against him, “I feel… normal.”

Something like that would normally have left a heavy feeling in the air, but in the calm, it was light.

And even in the dark, it was light.

 

**Horror**

Will was a lighter sleeper, and still was even as he got older. Anna and John tucked him and his sisters into their beds and escaped to their own. They haven’t had much time to themselves lately, and planned to make the most of it.

The next day though, Will complained of hearing ghosts late at night. His parents assured him that there were no such thing and that he was safe, which seemed to comfort him.

“You don’t think that he… heard us being… _racy…_?” Anna asked once he scampered off and was out of earshot. She balanced Emma on her lap, but she knew that she was too little to understand.

John smirked. “I don’t know, anything is impossible.”

 

**Tears**

One of the first moments that Anna and John shared involved tears. He was upset that the job wasn’t going to work out, and Anna sniffled back a few herself that he wouldn’t be given this opportunity to stay.

They shared so many tears throughout the years, both sad and happy. There were times where it seemed like all she could do was cry, hurt so much by the cruelness that fate had bestowed upon them. But then now, as she gazed upon her family, having come through it all, whenever she did grow misty eyed, it was because she and him had made it this far together, and would make it even further.


	8. Chapter 8

**Pain**

Pain was something that John had had to learn to deal with starting with at an early age. Complete with mental anguish, he now knew that he was now doomed to the physical, thanks to his leg.

But sometimes even that seemed to be eased by the mere presence of Anna. He could try to fool himself into thinking that it was just the sharpnel, but he knew better. But they could not be, which then formed a new pain. He didn’t want to push her away, but he had to, not when he could not offer her a future.

Little did he know that he could, little did he know much more pain the years ahead would be.  But also how little did he know they’d make it through, together.

 

**Multitasking**

He caught her in the hall for a brief moment, her about to go up again to help serve the upstairs dinner.

“Remember that time you said I ought to put in for a raise?” She said it with a light tone, but he could tell that in a way, she meant it. He also knew that she felt like she was “doing her bit” by filling in as footman, in addition to  her housemaid and lady’s maid duties, but sometimes it was nice for there to be some monetary compensation in appreciation.

There were other roles that Anna took on in the coming years that no one could put a price on though: becoming a wife and mother.

 

**All That I Have**

She had imagined this day many times. It went from being a dream that she kept hidden, waiting. Awakened then by his initial proposal - yes, she did call it one. But next buried deep, something that she tried to forced herself to believe wasn’t ever going to happen. After the meeting in the pub, she allowed herself once more to believe.

_You in a white dress, me looking like a fool._ He wasn’t quite right, but there they were, exchanging vows. It might have not been a church wedding, but as she and her beloved pledged their love for one another, she knew she had the right wedding to go with the right man.

 

**Solitude**

The sofa was fixed, and now they sat together on it, Anna pressed into John, molding into him. His arm was wrapped around her shoulder, and she had managed to fold her legs up under her. They each had their own book, and as they read, he stroked her arm. The flames crackled in the fireplace, their tea sitting on the small table.

They didn’t need to go out, they preferred to enjoy each other’s company, solace in the calm, happy and content simply to be together.

 

**Through the Fire**

Sometimes John would think about how it seemed like life was just constantly testing them. And he felt that like if he was testing their love, they would pass with flying colors. And that was not to brag - he knew that he’d go to the ends of the earth for Anna, and she proved time and time again that she’d do the same for him.

It ate him up inside that she had tried to hide what had happened to her - she couldn’t verbalize it, and really, neither could he - in order to protect him. But this wasn’t about him, it was about her.

She kept trying to carry on through the flames, and now that he knew, he would do his utmost to help her through them.

 

**Expectations**

Anna had tried to plan this out as she laid cooped up at Lady Rosamund’s. She had had too much time to think about it, as she sat against the pillows and occasionally let her hand rest against her currently flat middle.

As they pulled into the drive, she was surprised that Lady Mary hadn’t quizzed her on how she was going to tell her husband. And the answer was that she was still somewhat unsure, even though she has dreamt up a million different days. And not just during these last few days in London, but in the years prior.

_It probably will still be best to tell him at home_ , she said, her mind abuzz as she made her way into the abbey. _And I don’t think it’s fair to tease him, after everything. Best to stick to the standard, “John, I’m pregnant.”_

Even just thinking that make her face break out into a satisfied smile, the last statement echoing in her mind, as she entered the servants’ hall and there he was, helping with decorations.

She should have known that he’d figure things out. She once told Mrs Hughes that he could read her like a book, and she was right, he could.

While she had been bursting at the seams to tell him, it almost seemed like the wrong place for this to be happening. But still, she knew it was right. His proposal hadn’t been how he’d have liked it to have been. This was the same room that had discussed for the very first time having children. And much like how she’d rather have the right man than the right wedding, she was glad to have that right man as the father of her child.

**Hero**

“So, did you say ‘bad harvest’ a lot growing up?” John said as they continued on their way to the abbey.

“Well, it was more a phrase I heard when I was really little. When my dad was still alive.”

She paused, and John worried that he misstepped. He knew that she preferred not to talk to much about her childhood.

“He’s the one who actually taught me about it,” she continued.

“I wish… he could have been in your life longer,” John said softly.

“Me too.” She gave him a sad smile. “He was a bit like my hero, for that brief time.”

They were quiet for a bit, just listening to the sounds of nature as they walked on the path.

“But you know, I have a hero in my life now too,” Anna finally said, beaming up at him.

John always balked a bit as being referred to as a war hero - he just did what he could to keep himself and his fellow soldiers alive - but before he could formulate a response she added, “and I know you’ll be this little one’s as well.” She gave her abdomen a quick pat, before returning her hands to link with his.

 

**Magic**

Anna and John scurried about their bedroom in their usual morning routine, getting ready for work in order to make it time for breakfast. Pulling her slip over her head, she stopped before putting on her black dress.

She looked in the full length mirror, inspecting herself, looking at the slight slope.

She was showing.

She allowed herself a smile, although it was accompanied by moisture in her eyes.

It wasn’t a magic trick, it was real.

Her fingers smoothed down the silk fabric, making it appear a smidgen more prominent. Only she would know.

John looked over at her from the other side of the room, tie in his hands. But he stopped and watched her, his heart full of pride.

**Blood**

Anna once had them toast to his Scottish blood, but now here was the real reason. Their perfect son, not just of John’s Scottish side, but of both their flesh and blood.

The blood, sweat, and tears brought him to them, and not just the labor that Anna had just endured, but all the hardships they had overcome. The testament that all the happiness they deserved they now received.

 

**Advertisement**

The Bates family returned to their cottage, Anna being careful not to jostle the baby as she slipped out of her coat, however she had fast become an expert of it.

“I had wanted to save this for when we got home,” said John sofly, passing to her a folded newspaper. In pencil, an advertisement was circled.

A somewhat puzzled expression clouded Anna’s face, but soon quickly cleared as she read it. A small hotel for sale nearby in Ripon, 10 bedrooms, owners residence included, and within their price range.

“This could be the one,” she breathed.

“We’ll need to go look at it, but… I think maybe.”

Their eyes met and they grinned together, about to start a new chapter.


	9. Chapter 9

**Breaking the Rules**

If asked by anyone at Downton Abbey if Anna and Mr Bates were observant of the rules, everyone would answer without hesitation that of course they were. Mr Carson and Mrs Hughes would praise them for it, Thomas would be snide about how perfect they were.

But for them, sometimes the rules had to be broken for the greater good. _Fight fire with fire._

Sometimes it jostled John with how on paper it seemed like they were in the wrong. They were in love, but he was still married to someone else.

But someone he had not seen in several years.

Anna and Mr Bates might be the picture of propriety, but sometimes rules had to be broken.

 

**Triangle**

John had never seen Mr Molesley as any real threat. He knew that Anna was kind to him the way that she was to everyone, and she did feel sorry for all his mishaps. Now that he was back at the abbey, for good and proper, Anna confided to him that Mr Molesley did at one time try to take it a step further.

“I mean, at least he was attentive enough to know that I like to read, so he tried that, and was disappointed that I wanted to make a reading club with the others.” She gave a small laugh. “Poor Mr Molesley once again. I had thought perhaps maybe he did have some feelings for me, but thankfully he took being turned down well.”

“Oh yes, he alluded to me at that garden party that he did.”

“And what did you say to that?”

“Well… he asked if you had someone special and I might have inferred that you did.”

“I most certainly did then and I most certainly do now!” Anna gave her fiancé a playful swat on the arm.

He grinned. Sure, he might have had once told her to move on from him, but deep down, it meant so much to him that she had not. Of course, he always wanted her to be happy, but it was so wonderful that for her, that was to be with him. He was so lucky to have her, when he felt that he didn’t deserve her.

“I do hope that Mr Molesley one day finds the one for him.”

“Me too,” John concurred.

Years later, Anna dressed up their son in a smart little suit, the toddler having been chosen to be part of the wedding party for Mr Molesley’s wedding to Miss Baxter. He had found the one for him, just as they had, and they were happy for the two of them. But whether or not the servant turned teacher had ever told his bride that he once had a crush on Anna was something the Bateses did not know.

 

**Abandoned**

He hated always the idea of keeping Anna tied to him. But of course he loved her, he just did not feel like he deserved her. And while marrying her had made him the happiest man alive, it also now sank her into his troubles.

He knew that she meant every single one of her vows, so her constant visits to the prison weren’t unexpected. She would never abandon him the way Vera had when he took the blame for the missing silver on her behalf.

With each visit, he came more and more accept that, yes, he did deserve her, in that she had chosen him. And as she reminded him, she would always choose him. All he wanted for for her to be happy, and it wouldn’t be with another man.

While so many things had befallen him, he still considered himself to the luckiest in finding her, and that she loved him back as much as he loved her.

 

**Traps**

“I’d have thought that Mr Barrow would be beyond his tricks and traps. Isn’t Miss Baxter supposed to be his friend?” John asked lowly as they entered the empty servants’ hall.

“I had thought so too, but you know what they say, a leopard cannot change its spots,” Anna replied. “Although I’d like to think that sometimes they can, if they try hard enough. He’ll just have to make the effort.”

John thought back to something he had said once years ago, that a person can change if they try hard enough. Might be hard for him to see Thomas doing so, he’d admit. But he knew that he, himself, had. And all the more for the better.

 

**Do Not Disturb**

As she entered the room, Anna ran a hand down her dressing gown, the fabric against her skin showing the small bump that had formed. “I think I’m going to have to begin letting out my dresses.”

John smiled as he ran the tap of the bathtub. “I think you’re going to have _buy_ new dresses, my dear.”

A look based between them, and although they did not speak, they knew each other’s sentiments exactly.

He stood to help her out of the robe, and gave her shoulder a squeeze, then helping her into the tub.

“Just let me know if you need anything more. I’ll be right outside so you can relax.”

He leaned in, but she made the kiss short.

“I’d relax more if you stayed here, and maybe read to me.”

They shared a loving grin.

**Obsession**

“Dada, up,” Will commanded from his crib. He raised his arms and opened and closed his hands in anticipation.

“Just one moment, sweet pea.” He was helping Anna by putting away the freshly laundered nappies into the drawer. He turned quickly in an effort to finish fast to pick up Will, and smacked his elbow onto the dresser.

“Damn,” he muttered, rubbing it.

“Dada, damn!” the baby chimed in.

Will’s vocabulary was growing day by day, but a curse word wasn’t one they were hoping for.

“Don’t repeat that in front of your mother,” John said teasingly, wiggling his finger in front of his son. Will smiled innocently and just babbled in reply.

However, John was not in the clear, later as Will was playing with his blocks, he slammed two together and exclaimed “Damn!” very loudly.

Anna smirked and looked over at her husband. “Hmm, I can only wonder were he got that from.”

John looked sheepish and sipped his tea.

The problem then arose later in the week, when the Crawley’s nanny reported to Anna that her child had taught the others a naughty word, and that he seemed quite obsessed saying it.

“Really,” as she told John later in their sitting room, “We ought to be proud that our toddler son is teaching anything to children years older than him.” She bursted into laughter.

“He is already such a high achiever!”

Perhaps passing on such colorful language was not a bad thing.

 

**Standing Still**

The village was putting on a nativity play, and Anna had signed up William to be a little lamb.  All he would have to do is follow the shepherd on queue, and then stand there and “baa” once.

Anna made him a sheep costume, and was so delighted at how adorable he looked. But there was one small problem - Will did not want to stay still, and scampered off more than once in the rehearsal.

“John, what are we doing to do?” Anna whispered worriedly. “It’s not like we can stand on stage with him.”

Her husband raised his eyebrows at her, and she rolled her eyes. “It’s a children’s play, and I’m not that short.”

“I did not say you were!” He grinned.

“I just hope he doesn’t do this in the actual play.”

“I mean, most of the cast is toddlers, I can’t see there not being an another who doesn’t disappear midway through.”

The night of the play came, and thankfully, Will was the best behaved lamb. It was the three wise men who seemed to not know where they were going, which had the audience very amused.

**Cookies**

Two little hands appeared on the edge of the counter, trying to pull himself up to see what his mama was up to.

Anna smiled, as she ran the rolling pin over the dough. “Do you want to help me make biscuits, sweetie?”

“Yes, pleeze,” her son said, looking up at her with big eyes. She couldn’t deny him and his adorable chubby cheeks.

“All right, let me get something for your to stand on.” She wiped her hands on her apron and fetched a box for him. She lifted him up on it, and then tore off a piece of dough for him.

“It’s not baked yet, so don’t put it in your mouth until it’s ready.”

He nodded, and went about to forming it into a little ball.

Later, John came in as the biscuits were cooling.

“What’s going on this little one?” he asked, pointing to one that wasn’t as uniform in shape as the others.

“That’s Will’s, he made it himself,” she responded.

As if on cue, their son bounded back into the kitchen. “Is biscuit ready, Mama?”

“Almost!”

John grinned and ruffled his little boy’s hair.

 

**Rated**

“Well,” said John, waving the newspaper, “our first review is in!”

Anna began wringing her hands and walked over to him as he unfolded the paper.

The words “top-rated inn” stood out to her.

“So they liked it?”

“More than that, it says that they _loved_ their stay here!”

She sighed in relief and then beamed.

 

**Relaxation**

Anna was used to working hard, starting from when she was young. Then she’d be so tired out that she didn’t have much time for herself. But she’d find the joy in the little free time that she had.

As her roles changed over time, at least she had more hours to spend alongside her husband. However, it was sometimes harder to unwind, given the hardships that they had been through. It was hard to turn off an anxious mind.

They say that there is no rest for parents, but for Anna, in was in the years of building a family that seemed to be considerably more calmer for her. Sure there were still babies crying, and nappies needing to be changed, but at the end of the day, when she and John could sit down with the children all around them, that was when she could relax the best.


	10. Chapter 10

**Break Away**

It was getting harder and harder to pull apart from his embraces. She just wanted to be there, good and proper, where she was meant to be.

Vera was gone now, and she knew that things had to be settled before her and Mr Bates could be wed. But she wanted to be his wife, and wanted the world to know that they were spending their future together. No more of this courtyard cuddling in the cold.

She knew it was time to go back inside, but she burrowed her head into his chest, never wanting to let go.

 

**Light**

He called her quicksilver and light, that is what she was. His beacon of hope, against all odds. Her sunny smile, that let him know that everything would be all right now, they had each other. She taught him to love again, and a most powerful love at that. His sun, and his moon, and his stars.

 

**Dark**

She tried to focus on their hands, together, lit by the lamp. The only light really in this dark room. And that’s how she felt, trapped in the black with him being the only thing keeping her from being completely swallowed back it. A buoy in the sea, her life vest that kept her afloat.

 

**Heal**

Her mother used to say, “A wound won’t heal if you pick at the scab.”

But the problem was, Anna wasn’t sure she was the one doing the picking.

Perhaps maybe she was though. Maybe this was her fault after all, and thus now this was her punishment.

She kept telling herself that she knew that she couldn’t go back, but it was so hard to see a way forward sometimes. Her chest still ached every waking moment, and she often pulled away from John’s touches, even if she had been the one to initiate a embrace, or took his hand first.

Sometimes, the only thing that got her through a day was just thinking that as soon as a day was over she could start again. But she never really could start over again could she?

There was never a time when she thought, oh, this is all over now. Even years later, when she looked back, she realized that she hadn’t gotten over it, but rather moved forward. She had been changed by it, but she also had changed again, and that was the thing about life. The scars would remain, but she did make so many good memories that helped them fade.

 

**Trouble Lurking**

Trouble seemed to follow them, and it was lurking again in the shape of this Inspector Vyner. John had finally convinced himself long ago that he had not pulled Anna into to share his fate of misfortune. But yet, it was hard for him to fathom that God could continue to torture her in this way.

He could tell she was struggling again, and thus he made a promise, one he’d try his damnedest to keep.

 

**In the Storm**

The clouds were gathering on the horizon, and both could feel it. The last trip to London had been good for Anna, but it was all lining up for it to be the complete opposite this time. They were supposed to be looking into the house to see what needed to be done before they sell it, so that they can start the next chapter in their lives.

She has grasped his hand as they had gone up the stairs, and he held hers at the station. They were about to enter the storm, and John was her lighthouse.

 

**Breathe Again**

Anna flexed her fingers in and out. She twisted her wedding band around a few times, and then exhaled. But she couldn’t keep still and wrung her hands again, as she slowly paced in front of the cottage’s fireplace.

John entered and she turned to look at him, always recognizing her husband’s gait. It wasn’t something that startled her, at least not now.

“Is something wrong?” he asked. He held out his hands to her, and she gladly took them. He then drew her to the sofa, but she did not relax into them.

“It’s just… sometimes I feel as if I’ve been to hell and back and I'm still trying to catch my breath.”

“But darling, you have.”

She bit her lip in an attempt not to cry. “Sorry, I’m just in one of those moods, I’ll be fine.”

“Remember what I said though, you don’t have to do this alone, you don’t have to hide this from me. With what all you have been through, you can cry as much as you want. But let me support you through it. And let us take the time for you to be able to breathe. I know how badly you want ‘someday’ to be today, and if I could I’d change that for you in an instant. But for now… let’s just be.”

Blinking through tears, she nodded, and turned to bury her face into his shoulder.

Thankfully, someday was right around the corner.

 

**Night**

John had had insomnia when he first name to Downton, and Anna used to sleep like a log. But as obstacles arose, she spent many sleepless nights worrying, and that evolved into anxiety.

Night itself though also had meant other things over the years. During the war, slipping away into the courtyard for a few embraces between tasks and before bed.

This night he woke up her side of the bed empty. He clamored out, and went in search of his wife. He found her walking slowing in the sitting room, one hand on her back, the other rubbing soothing circles on her massive bump.

She saw John, and bent her head to talk to their child she was carrying in her swollen abdomen. “Looks like you woke up Daddy now too!”

He crossed the room to join her and she stopped walking. He placed his hand aside hers, feeling the jolt of the baby’s kicks. “I figured the little one was keeping you up.”

“Well, first, he was standing on my bladder, and then he decided it was time for kickball.”

“Hmm, are you sure she’s not practicing her dance moves?”

“No, but maybe _he_ is.”

They smirked, knowing that both did not really care if it was a boy or a girl, just as long as their child was healthy.

“You are probably right though,” he said, “it’s probably a boy. Mother’s intuition and all.”

Anna gave a small smile and looking down again. “Well,” she said softly, “I’m not quite a mother yet…”

“Bad harvest.” He muttered the magic words before she could.

“Bad harvest,” she repeated.

Soon, their nights changed again, this time interrupted by the cries of their sweet and dear newborn son.

 

**Teamwork**

The Bateses slipped into parenthood with ease, proving that it was role that they were made for.

While in part it was because they both so individually suited to be a mother and a father, it also was because they worked so well together as a team, something that they had fine-tuned some many years prior.

“Team Bates!” Anna once said with pride.

Their team had now grown by one member, and they both hoped that they could add a few more.

**Family**

The Bates family sat in the sitting room of their cozy house next to their flourishing hotel. Will scooted his little train along the patterns of the rug, and Emma and Margaret played with their dollies. Anna bounced baby Robbie on her lap, clapping his hands together with her.

She looked over at John, who had taken his eyes off his book to look at the scene before him. A contented smile filled his face and she returned it. There were times like this they thought a scene like this would never play out. And yet, here they were… safe, by the fire, with their children all around. And all was well.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **A/N:** Once more, thank you to the people who have read and reviewed my fics over the past how many ever years.
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> I’m sorry that I had to speed through doing these but it is what it is.
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> *Scroll back up really quickly if you don't want a movie spoiler
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> In my mind, Anna never, ever, ever has a bob haircut. I know in the grand scheme of things this isn't important, (especially when we were originally worried about if Brendan would even be involved in this dang film) but when you have imagined different scenarios, and what the plot of this fanfic was to be, in a million different permutations, for three years, assuming that not more was ever going to actually come… it's just so, so jarring, and too drastic of a change for me. I honestly don’t feel it’s in character and if you follow my blog you can see more of my reasoning. So this in entire work, including the ones set in the future, she has long hair. This was the first thing to be now AU and I don't want to wait around and see what else is (BB's name is surely not my pick, of course, but I’m more worried about cementing things regarding them having more children, and the hotel), so that's why I'm posting this the way I am.


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